Fear, Discomfort, and the Pursuit of Safety

What I’ve learned about the human experience is that safety is a fundamental instinct. Not just on a physical level, as the cavemen and women we once were, but on a much more complex, nuanced, and subtle level.

Whether we’re fighting for it.

Whether we’re in constant seek of it.

Hell, even when we’re sabotaging ourselves in the name of it.

Safety drives us, whether or not we’re willing to admit it.

While this topic could branch off in many directions, there’s one in particular that’s been at the forefront of my mind and at the center of my heart.

Safety from discomfort.

Rather, discomfort for the sake of safety.

Many moons ago, I dove into the deep end of discomfort and rather than waiting for the fear to subside, I did it scared. There was something I wanted for myself, and after months, and even years, of talking myself in, out, and in circles around the topic, I threw my hands up in the air, said “fuck it”, and decided to do it scared.

I thought I had it all figured out; what it means to do it scared.

I thought that once I’d learned that lesson, once I was living proof of it, that it was one and done, that it would forever be a part of my being, passively so. That I could just tuck it into the corners of my mind and it would sustain itself, and me, without my ever having to revisit it except for the occasional reminder. But guess what, those occasional reminders were never enough to keep it alive.

Instead, that lesson remained comatose, with barely enough life to survive, but not nearly enough to render it alive.

Why do we feel discomfort? Because we want to feel safe.

Within our identities. Within our roles. Within the stories we’ve made up in our minds. Within the narratives that have been planted within and reinforced all throughout our human experience.

We develop limiting beliefs to stay safe within these parameters.

We abide by the convictions of these limiting beliefs at the expense of our potential.

To the detriment of our potential.

One of my favorite nuances as it pertains to the comfort zone implies that just because you’re comfortable, does not mean you’re happy. Some of the most miserable people I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting have been so firmly rooted in their misery, that any sliver of relief from that misery, feels threatening to their being. Any opportunity for joy, any chance at ease, and it feels like their whole world’s crumbling.

From within the confines of their misery, they can’t fathom another way of being.

From within the confines of their comfort zone, they know what to expect of the world, both outside and within themselves.

They’re tethered because better the devil they’ve known all their life, than the devil they’ve never been acquainted with.

Why do we feel discomfort? Because we want to feel safe.

But what if there’s a new way of feeling safe?

What if there’s an expanded sense of safety?

The catch? It’s on the other side of that discomfort.

What if that discomfort you’re feeling and the resistance it’s breeding are illuminating the path for you. Nudging you towards a direction that’s waiting for you to course correct yourself towards.

What if the fears, insecurities, doubts, confusions, etc. surrounding your desires and dreams aren’t meant to ever dissipate. What if they’re meant to be a part of the journey. What if they’re meant to be the other side of the coin; to complement your desires and dreams?

It’s often said that you can’t have light without darkness, but who’s to say which is good and which is bad? Some creatures thrive in darkness, with the light being a deadly force. While other creatures need a balance between the two.

And we’re such creatures.

As surely as we need both day and night, so too do we need the proverbial light (hope, dreams, joy, aspirations, etc.) and darkness (fears, doubts, insecurities, etc.).

One cannot exist without the other.

They’re interdependent.

Fear and discomfort are always present. They’re always going to be present, in one way or another; to one degree or another.

Because they’re part of the master plan.

Rather than painting them in the light of tragedy, you can choose to see them as signs that you’re moving past a pattern, limit, or barrier — and THAT is why there’s resistance.

There’s a reason the resistance is in THAT exact spot.

Because resistance is merely a symptom.

Of growth.

Of expansion.

Of transformation.

So the next time fear starts to creep in, challenge yourself rather than giving into it.

Give thanks to fear for its service, for keeping you safe.

And simultaneously acknowledge fear for what it truly is in its essence: a signpost towards newness. Towards expansion. Towards greatness.

A nudge towards fertile ground.

Primed for potential.

Ripe for growth.

Fear is not something separate from you.

Fear is a part of you; an extension of you.

A weapon you can wield rather than face.

The choice is yours.